God's Love

"We routinely disqualify testimony that would plead for extenuation. That is, we are so persuaded of the rightness of our judgment as to invalidate evidence that does not confirm us in it. Nothing that deserves to be called truth could ever be arrived at by such means."
-Marilynne Robinson

As I grew up, my life was in almost constant chaos. It seemed like everyone was on a roller coaster and the only way for me to stabilize myself apart from my surroundings was to follow the rules. My parents had such a long set of rules that God "required" for us to all live by. The harder I stuck to these rules, it seemed, the more chaos happened around me. It is hard to explain but the more I strove to find my footing the more others shook my ground. All my commitments and standards started to become so useless and I was the only one sticking to them. When I realized that most of what I had been taught was not only a lie but not practiced by my teachers was when I was truly able to start trusting God and looking to Him for answers to my life. As I felt Him guiding me into things that I would have earlier considered "rebellious" my footing started to become secure. For example, when you stop worrying about what others think about you- that is hundreds of different opinions less that are clouding your view. I had to let God (and many times through others) contradict everything that I believed was right to see that His love has no rules... it just is. When my brother tore our family apart at every seam, God was there loving him. When any of us do things that cause Him pain, His love is the same as when we are making Him happy- and he is there with us. This is a small glimpse of God's love that I have seen. When I love the way he does I am present and holding and being with that person. I am content to feel their pain, the pain they may be causing, the joy the are feeling- regardless of how they are dressed, what they have done, or what my feelings are.

My question for God is: What rightness am I holding onto that makes me excuse away anything that contradicts it? Let me have Your love for others rather than an eye for wrongness in others.
Big Hugs,
Wendy